My partner and I just returned from a wonderful trip in New Zealand and I have a ring on my finger. We’re engaged! As you can imagine it’s a very happy time for both of us. Yet it’s still outside of my comfort zone.
You wouldn’t think so because we’ve lived together for over 2 years. During that time we’ve got to know each other really well, shared routines and schedules. Been on adventures together and even set goals. So you might wonder why I feel outside of my comfort zone.
Initially I wondered this myself. Why did I feel a little uncertain about a decision I’ve made to be with someone I feel so certain about?
Good question I thought and it deserved some exploration.
Here’s what I’ve realised. I’ve identified as a single person for the last 27 years. The thought of now becoming a married woman again feels exciting and at the same time unfamiliar. So, the uncertainty isn’t related to the person I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life with. But more so connected to who I will personally be once I’m married.
It’s related to the change in my identity. What’s out of comfort zone is the change in my perceived identity once I’m married compared to who I’ve identified as for the last 27 years.
The truth is though who I am will not change. I’ll still be me. Yet it’s interesting how our perception can create feelings of discomfort even during the happiest of change.
This is all quite personal, so why am I sharing it with you? I’m being so transparent about how I feel because it highlights one really important insight.
Positive change can bring feelings of discomfort because we’re out of our comfort zone.
Those uncomfortable feelings can range from outright fear to nervousness, apprehension, doubt, uncertainty and anything in between. All dependant on you and the life experiences you’ve had.
Feelings like these are experienced as we anticipate the unknown. Even when it’s to experience what we most want and desire. And it’s essential that we learn how to move through these feelings if we want positive change
For me personally it was an unfamiliar feeling that turned to curiosity and then stability as time went on.
Creating the feeling of stability from a place of uncertainty requires conscious awareness. It’s achieved by taking ourselves through an analytical process.
Identify the feeling as you approach the boundaries of your comfort zone
Feelings of discomfort present themselves in many different forms. Even the feeling of resistance can be felt as we approach the unknown. Instead of running away from the feeling by procrastinating on the action, feel into it. Identify what the feeling actually is and just sit with it for a while. Then go to the next step.
Becoming curious about the feeling unravels the resistance
Explore what’s causing you to feel the way you do. It’s never the situation that causes the feeling, but the way you are perceiving it. Become the objective observer as you unravel your perception. Is it the thought of stepping out of your comfort zone the leads you to feel uncertain? Or is it the fear of what might happen afterwards and how that might affect you?
Be completely honest with yourself
The ego mind’s key intent is to keep us small where it believes we are safe. And this part of our mind will tell us all sorts of lies in order to do that. Our ego mind is responsible for all those perceived limitations we have about ourselves, including what we can do and achieve. Truth is though we are limitless. So be honest with yourself. Is your perception or story true or untrue?
Patience is the key
Please don’t confuse patience with procrastination. This isn’t about waiting to feel more comfortable before you step out of your comfort zone. What I do mean is be patient with yourself. For most it’s just a matter of time before you feel comfortable while moving forward. For example, he put a ring on my finger and now the excitement has settled, I feel comfortable and stable. And you will too once you’ve taken a step. Just put your toe in!
Sometimes when faced with uncertainty, taking the steps alone can feel too challenging or we can procrastinate. If you are experiencing this working with a good coach can give you the support you need to move forward with more ease. You are welcome to Book a Complimentary Connect Call with Deb HERE to see if coaching feels like a good option for you.