Yesterday I got out of bed at 4.30am to prepare for an information session for the HER Rediscovery Program. Getting up at this time isn’t the best way for me to thrive. But it was necessary to give an overview to 15 women who had shown a lot of interest.
If you’ve been following me for a long time, you will know that it’s my sincere intent to deliver tools and resources to allow you to thrive as you age. So following my purpose I was online at a couple of minutes to 6.
Five minutes later two people showed up who promptly disappeared with no word. Another five minutes after that a gorgeous lady appeared but didn’t want to be alone online with me. So she gave her thanks and politely ducked out.
Shortly after I disconnected the link and went to get some brekkie. Partially annoyed that I had in fact missed out on precious sleep to show up for others. But knowing that is indeed my choice, I began to look into the patterns of behaviour instead. It was a distinct pattern that had been displayed by no less than 15 women.
This is a pattern that gets in the way of you being able to truly thrive in all life facets.
If you regularly show interest in something for yourself, but don’t commit, follow through or show up. This is the pattern I’m talking about.
You might come up with a whole list of reasons why you don’t follow through or commit. Some of them may be true. Some are perhaps excuses especially if you use them repetitively. But there’s one thing for sure.
You’re most definitely not being your own best friend. Because your closest friend would show up for you.
Instead you’re being your own worst enemy. This pattern will block you from living you’re most fulfilled life, if you don’t get a handle on it.
How to know you’re being your own worst enemy
>> You regularly prioritise other people’s needs and and wants above your own.
>> Possibly you make excuses about why you shouldn’t do something.
>> Maybe you tell yourself you can’t commit to your own needs for some reason or another
>> Perhaps you carry other’s responsibilities.
>> You have a need to keep people happy and this overrides other choices you’d like to make.
>> There might be a number of stories you tell yourself that lower your confidence
>> You allow yourself to be treated badly by others
>> Boundaries are virtually non existent or you have no idea what they are
>> Your self talk sucks and you wouldn’t even speak that badly to someone you didn’t like
These are only a small number of patterns, the list is inexhaustible, but you get the picture right?
You’re certainly not going to thrive and feel energised while you’re treating yourself this way. And you definitely won’t be fulfilled. In fact, you might feel downright exhausted at the thought of doing anything else. Even if it is for yourself.
Make the transition to be your own best friend
First of all take a deep breath. It’s a bit of an eye opener when you first realise that these are your patterns. What can also be slightly shocking is that there are quite a number of women who do the same. However, just because other’s do them doesn’t give social proof it’s okay.
In fact, behaviour like this is self destructive.
Realise that these patterns are addictive. There can be a tendency to judge people who have a dependency on alcohol or drugs. But these patterns of behaviour are no better. Just like drugs and alcohol, they make you feel better in the short term. But in the long term you feel much worse.
Confront yourself about how life will be in the future if you continue behaving this way. Remember that life doesn’t change until you change. This begins with eradicating beliefs, stories and behaviours that keep you stuck.
Make a promise to yourself to do what it takes to really thrive now and in the coming years. This might mean changing behaviours you’ve had for decades.
Model behaviours of friendships that thrive
Think about how you treat your best or closest friend and behave that way towards yourself. It’s pretty much the opposite to the patterns I mentioned earlier.
>> You regularly prioritise your own needs and wants
>> When you want to do something you just do it and never make excuses
>> Commitment to your own needs is something you do consistently
>> You realise that the only person you are responsible for is yourself and make decisions based on that
>> The main practice is keeping yourself happy and living your life for you
>> Stories you tell yourself boost your confidence even if you’ve made a mistake
>> If anyone treats you badly you stand up for yourself
>> Your boundaries are strong, realistic and aimed at nurturing you
>> You speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement just like you do for your best friend
After mulling all this over during breakfast, I jumped on my computer. I wrote an email to the 15 ladies who didn’t show up. You wouldn’t believe the amount of responses I received, all apologising for not being there. Which was really lovely of them.
As they wrote their responses they were treating me as they would a best friend. It was very kind of them and I was grateful. But I wonder if their treatment towards themselves was the same?
When we’ve had behaviour patterns for years that don’t serve us well, it can be very challenging to stay committed to changing them. That’s where a talented and experienced coach comes in and it’s why I have developed programs over the years to give support with this. The HER Rediscovery Online Group Program is one of them. Book a Complimentary Clarity Call to see if this program is a good fit for you right now.