Discontent might be a familiar feeling in midlife. Often we don’t feel unhappy but we’re not completely happy either.
For many women in midlife things can often get a bit humdrum. Life feels okayish and to expect more than that might even feel a bit unrealistic.
I can’t count the amount of times I have heard women say; there are so many other people far worse off than them and they should be happy with what they have.
Reaching for more in life doesn’t mean you’re not grateful for what you have. It also doesn’t mean your expectations are too high or you’re being greedy or selfish. It just means that you want to live your very best life for as long as you can.
We often forget to realise that when we are completely fulfilled then everyone around us benefits. It’s not that much fun being around someone who is bored or discontent.
As women we have so much influence on those around us, also our environment and society.
Even the Dalai Lama is reported to have said in the Vancouver Peace Summit in 2009; “the world will be saved by the western woman”. I personally believe all women will be at the core of that.
When we consider the huge amounts of wisdom we have between us in our second half, I believe midlife women will be leading the way. Especially seeing women over 50 form more than 50% of the world’s population.
But how can we do this to our best if we are settling for same old humdrum? If we just settle then we’re going to miss our opportunity.
When we feel discontent, it is a strong indication that something needs to change. That might be to do something different for the day because it’s momentary discontent. Or there might be bigger changes required if life generally feels humdrum.
For many women in this phase of life it’s a general ‘meh’ feeling. You know you want more. But you don’t know what more is for you, so you don’t bother looking.
Some of us actually have a few ideas, but ask ourselves “who am I to think I can do this” so we don’t.
Or we think it’s too late, when it really isn’t.
By resigning ourselves to feeling dissatisfied and trying to ignore it, we are doing ourselves, and others a disservice. Because it doesn’t go away if we pretend it’s not there. It just gets worse over time.
Unfortunately, many of us wait until a major life event hits us like a ton of bricks before tackling it. But we really don’t have to wait until we feel at our worst. We can make changes right now.
By exploring what a fulfilling life looks like we can begin to feel excited again. That’s good for us, good for others and good for the world in a bigger picture.
So where do you begin when you have no idea where to start?
Get clear on what’s important to you in midlife
This is different for everyone. I haven’t met two people who think exactly the same around this. We all have different aspects of life that we hold as upmost importance. This also changes as we age too. What we held as paramount in our thirties, is no longer a priority now. An aspect of life could be family, relationships, work, health, travel, learning, and numerous others.
Get clear on what’s important to you and don’t let anyone else tell you what it should be.
Decide what you want your life to look like
Once we have an idea of what is important to us, it becomes much easier to picture the life we want. Plus we know that life is going to be fulfilling. You can get as detailed about this as you like. Write down what you want to experience in each aspect of your life that you feel is essential to your fulfilment. Be very clear about what kind of activities you want to be doing too.
Activities that energise you generally fulfil you
These activities normally utilise our strengths and talents and meet our values. When we are fulfilling our values we automatically feel content and satisfied. Plus by utilising our gifts and natural talents we feel capable, engaged and confident. Explore what kind of tasks and activities charge you up and give you a bit of a buzz.
Follow the next step in your purpose
So many of us think that our purpose is this obscure thing that we have never found. We think that one day it will magically appear out of the blue, with no effort. More often than not we have been following our purpose in many different ways throughout our life. All we need to do in midlife is make a choice that is in alignment with what is important to us, serves our values and lights us up. Trace your steps all through your life, the different work you have done, remember what always seemed to find you in all situations in life. Reflect back on that one thing you always felt compelled to do.
Overcome the tendency to think your decision in midlife is final
Thinking that what we do next has to be our final thing is a mistake many of us make. Because it just isn’t true. We have plenty of time to give a number of different things a go. More often than not we have 20, 30 or even more years left. Create yourself a bit of a list of everything you would like to give a go. Whether it’s for work or leisure, add them to your list. Often something we do for leisure or for ourselves can eventually become work we are passionate about if we think creatively. But it begins with exploring ideas and then giving things a go.
Never settle for humdrum in midlife
Midlife isn’t the beginning of the end, it is the beginning of a brand new chapter. This is your life and it is your decision as to how you want to live it. If you feel discontent or not completely happy it’s time to explore. Reach for experiences that you want and never settle for boredom or humdrum.
By getting really clear on who you are and what you want you can begin a forward motion. And then by engaging in those things, you absolutely can feel excited about life again.
If you feel that you have explored and are still unclear, or you find the whole thing too hard, then working with a coach or mentor will help. To see if this is the right fit for you, Book your initial complimentary call HERE.