February is my birthday month and this year I feel honoured to be turning 60. This is a rite of passage that is denied to so many women, my own mother included in this.
Determined to live to a healthy old age and thrive in the process, I never let any other life outcome into my focus. But I also knew it was a possibility that I would die early like my mum did.
So when the door to 60 opened, I was excited to walk over the threshold into the next layer of my wise years. And now I am on the other side of that threshold, I am looking forward to what this next decade will bring.
Turning 60 is no longer considered the time of the Crone.
This is because we are now living to a much older age. Because of this Croneship doesn’t begin until 65-70. Of course there are exceptions to this. Even so though, it is still considered a time for us to share our wisdom.
But wisdom comes from experience. It also comes from learning from our challenges and difficult times. We don’t become wise from reading books, doing courses or completing a degree. Our wisdom is gained when we implement what we learn, see the results and learn from them to help us evolve into the wise women we are.
Reflecting back over the last decade I can see that I have learned some fairly harsh lessons at times. As I came close to turning 60, the lessons became more prominent and that’s because I allowed myself to see them. Even confronting myself occasionally.
Those lessons I have found so powerful for my own life, I would like to share them with you. Maybe something you take from this can help you with a particular problem you’re dealing with right now.
Take nothing for granted
This was one of my harshest lessons when my dear dad passed away less than 4 years before I turned 60. Life is so impermanent and yet for some reason we think the people we love the most will last forever. I know the alternative is probably too difficult to think of so we hide from the truth. But that can often mean we take people and life situations for granted.
I will never take life for granted again nor any people who are dear to me. Things can change in an instant and we must remind ourselves of this. Especially during challenges when it often feels easier to ignore someone who has unintentionally hurt us. Or hope the problem will go away.
Every moment with my family, partner and dear friends I soak up. I make it my intent to remain thankful for all I have and make the most of every minute of my life. Making time for those people who are really important to me.
No thing is about you it’s just there for you to learn from it
Aargh isn’t this true, but how difficult it can be to see it at the time! I’m getting much better at it though turning 60 and entering this next phase.
We are everything and no thing and there is no thing that is about you personally. Only what can be learned in your process of evolution.
Being determined to take things personally robs us of the lessons we need to evolve; it also drains our energy. This interferes with what can be wonderfully close relationships and stops us from fully enjoying life.
Whenever you react to what someone has said or done, chances are you’re taking it personally. Try seeing outside the initial illusion to notice what could be really going on. We are all dealing with something and chances are the person is dealing with something difficult. They might also have a lesson to learn or they need healing. There is also a deeper lesson for you and what’s important for you too.
Confronting self with what’s really going on can be challenging, but it’s worth it.
We are not meant to control other people
Each one of us is unique with different values, beliefs, qualities, strengths and self perceived limitations. This is all gained from unique life experience and means we interact with the world in different ways.
There are no two people exactly the same. This means the way we personally respond and behave is not an indication of the way others will. Nor does it mean we should try to get others to do things the same way we do. Unless of course they say they want to; and that is a totally different story.
If something is bothering us that is our problem alone. It possibly means we need to deal with some past personal issues. Or we need to communicate our values.
The way we feel could even mean that we need to move on or not give as much energy to that particular relationship. Not everyone is meant to be in our closer circle. This is most especially the case if it is repeated behaviour and no amount of communication has changed anything.
Allowance is key to living a happy and fulfilled life
This means accepting others as they are. It doesn’t mean though that we put up with being treated badly. Allowing others to be authentically themselves means we let go of the gripping and resistance to what is. We let go of the need to control and that feels so much better.
We can still call boundaries that allow us to value ourselves while in the space of acceptance. Things like creating space between you and them, putting less energy into the relationship, communicating our needs and stop trying so hard. These all become much more resourceful when in the space of allowance. This isn’t controlling others; it’s about managing our own emotions and our own lives.
I have to say this has been one of the most difficult and emotional lessons I have learned. But when I let go, allowed and accepted what was, the situation totally turned itself around. Almost like magic, I was able to connect in a relationship I thought was not going to get any better.
Don’t wait for the perfect time or for things to line up perfectly
Too often we wait thinking that we have plenty of time. Because of this we procrastinate or put things off. And once we begin delaying our unconscious mind will then find more reasons to delay. It’s how we are wired.
Don’t get me wrong, we do still have plenty of time to do anything that we want. This is our time now and the world really is our oyster. Most especially in our 50s, 60s, 70s and even beyond.
But, by putting things off we risk never doing, saying or being what we want. Reasons like, not having enough time or money. Feelings like we don’t have enough or know enough or it’s not the right time are all fear responses. And fear responses can keep us stuck indefinitely.
What I have learned is that magic happens when you seize the moment. When you act as if you have enough or know enough the universe will transpire with you to bring it to reality. This is about taking action even when you feel doubtful. It has happened this way for me so many times and has transformed my life.
Try to imagine your last few days on this planet. What would you most regret not doing, saying or being?
Live authentically from your truth
When we know who we are in this phase of life it gives us the potential to live authentically. This is about knowing our core values and what’s important. Making sure those beliefs are sustainable and then making a commitment to live true to them.
And it goes even deeper than this. Living from our truth also means from our true soul nature. Our true nature is made up of love, kindness and compassion. It’s only during the course of our lifetime that these beautiful qualities have often been obscured by our ego mind.
Speaking our truth from the space of love, kindness and compassion. Also calling boundaries in this way too, allows us to really express our message from the heart. This means others will be more inclined to listen instead of immediately going into defence mode.
But true love, kindness and compassion to others begins with treating ourselves in the same way too. This is your time to nurture you first, because it’s really hard to authentically honour others when you are running on empty.
As we turn 60 it’s important to accept that not everyone wants to hear what we have to say
Enjoy your wise woman years. Remember this is about sharing your wisdom now. Not everyone wants to hear it yet and that is okay because all journeys are different. There is no force in sharing wisdom; it’s about practicing discernment. This is another form of being wise, knowing when to share.
Also remember that even when you slightly mention an insight it means you are planting a seed. It may not be a seed that you see harvested, but know that you have possibly made a difference in some form to that person’s life.
This is about sharing wisdom with no expectations. It’s about taking the ego out of it and accepting that we may never receive a thank you. That is okay, because as a woman over 60 it’s just our job to share.
These are just a few of the more important lessons I have learned over the last decade moving towards my 60s. It’s definitely not all of them by a long shot. There are so many more that I’ve learned over a lifetime. So much so that I have decided to write a book this year.
I would love to hear your wise insights as you move into your wisdom years.
Midlife and the years beyond can be challenging when you’re not clear on who you are now and what you most want in life. Or you think you know what you want but you don’t know where to start. Working with a good and experienced coach can help you gain that clarity and give you the steps to create what you most want. If you would like to see if coaching is the best choice for you, book your complimentary initial call HERE